Ruby Speak

So I like to watch Ruby on occasion & I've been watching it a little more lately on reruns & have picked up on more & more things that she says that drive me crazy!  I've decided to make a little Ruby to English list here for you just in case you have no idea what the eff she's talking about.

First one up is Christmas, now when Ruby mentions her Christmas she means her vag, she explained in an episode that her lady bits are a gift, the best gift she could give someone so she refers to her vag as Christmas.

Next we have Bertha...Bertha is her ass.

Humidified doesn't mean damp or not dry, it's a combination of humiliated & mortified.  In a recent episode she was attempting to do some go cart racing & as she was getting in the car she mention how humidifying it was squeezing herself inside the car.  She says this often so I know it wasn't a "grool" moment like in Mean Girls.

Hacky...believe it or not this means happy.  I have no freaking clue why someone would say "I'm so hacky" when they are happy, honestly there's no correlation, not like her use of humidified you can't combine happy with another word that means happy to come up with hacky.  This is another word that she uses often.

Next up is Paget, which is pageant.  For some reason she just leaves out the N & was helping a girl participate in a plus size paget.

Ruby is a good Christian & she won't say "hell" so she says "helicopter" this is not a joke.  She will say "I'm mad as helicopter" really Ruby?  Christian or not you can say the word hell, it's a real place in MI so go ahead, just claim you are referencing Hell, MI.

When Ruby gets excited she says "I'm so essited ya'll" and why she replaces the x with a "ssss" sound I have no freaking clue.

There is something else she says that is similar to humidified but I can't think of it at the moment but once I do I will add it to the post.  So there you go, if you happened to tune in to a random episode and had no idea what was going on hopefully this little conversion list will help!  I would like to know why nobody around her ever corrects her or asks why she says the stuff she does because if I were her friend it would drive me crazy.